Crazy Kingdom
by Lacheetara
Summary: When Princess Bubblegum discovers a new kingdom in the Land of Ooo, She requests Finn and jake to come with her to check it out. But something isn't right with the people in this place... READ & REVIEW! ...Please? ;n; Better than it sounds...
1. Crazy Kingdom

This is my first Adventure Time story! Behold it! _**BEHOLD IIITTT.**_

Oh and whenever Lady rainicorn says something, it will be between two *'s. It means that's when she's talking in Korean but I'm to lazy to look up a translation for the words I want her to say.

It was a normal day in the Land of Ooo... Well, atleast as normal as any day there _would_ be...

Finn and Jake where busy fighting Shark and Science Cat while Lady Rainicorn watched. Jake suggested she come that day to watch them.

"Haha, Shark, you think you can beat me _that_ easily?" Finn exclaimed, flipping off the ground from his back. The shark looked at him with a 'come and get me' face as he motioned for Finn to dare attack him. Finn charged and swiped with his swoard, letting out a feirce... ish yell as he did so.

Jake was busy fighting Science Cat as his girl friend cheered him on. "Yeah, take that, Science Cat!" Jake yelled as he picked Science Cat up with a streatched arm and flung him into a random wall. "REAOW!" Science Cat screached as he slamed into it.

Finn, Jake, lady Rainicorn, and Shark all gasped. "SCIENCE CAT!" Finn said in disbelief, "Don't say words like that! This is a _kids show!_"

Jake nodded. "You need to wash your mouth out."

Then, all of a sudden, a large cat in a lab coat/dress walked out of the forest and grabbed Science cat's ear. "Meow meow meow meow MEOW!" The cat scolded him. Then dragged him away. Lady Rainicorn stared. "* Was that his mom?*" Jaked shrugged.

"I guess so. Beats me."

Shark sighed. "I guess I gotta go too," He gurgled as he waved goodbye and left.

Finn frowned. "Aww man!" He said dissapoitedly, "I was having so much fun!"

"I know!" Jake replied, his sholders sagging. Then his ears pricked up as he heard some foot steps coming back through the woods. "Hey guys, you hear that?"

"*No, why?*" Lady Rainicorn asked, looking around. Finn looked around, too. "Hear what?"

Jake motioned for them to be quiet. "Shh, dude. I hear footsteps." He then saw the source of the noise. A wolf-like creature walked into the clearing the three where in. 'She' looked extreamly exausted, panting as she collaspsed on the ground. "... Niki?" Jake asked, recognizing her. He helped her up agaisnt a tree.

"You know her?" Finn asked, looking at the newcomer. Jake nodded. "Yeah, she's my half-neice. Some where on my dad's side, I dunno. Anyway Niki, what are you doing here?" Niki gasped for air.

"P-Princess B-Bubblegum sent me to find you. She w-wanted you to get to the c-castle." Niki replied finnaly, sitting at the bottom of the tree.

"*Why are you so out of breath?*" Lady rainicorn asked. Niki looked up at her, still panting.

"Lets just say this wasn't the first of the thousands of places I thought you'd be." The wolf replied. She finnaly stopped panting. "Anyway, I volunteired to give you guys the message because I honestly thought Lady rainicorn was at the Candy Kingdom so I could ride her over here. _I was horribly horribly __**HORRIBLY**__ wrong..._ But I went ahead and tried to find you guys anyway... What was I _thinking?_"

"...So, what does Princess Bubblegum need us for anyway? Is she in trouble?" Finn asked. Niki shook her head.

"No, no, no! Nothing like that..." Niki said, trying to remember, "Curse me and my horrible memory... Uh... Oh yeah, yeah! She needed you guys 'cause she learned about this new Kingdom. She wants you to come with her while she visits it."

Jake looked confused. "Why does she need to visit it?"

Niki shrugged. "I dunno. When I asked, she said it's 'part of the Land of Ooo's Rules' Or something like that. I don't remember. She was talking all techno babble," The wolf said, then she sighed. "Oh, no matter how much I love that Princess, I have such a hard time understanding just what the heck she's saying sometimes." Finn nodded.

"Um... Anyway, you guys might as well go. I heard she'd need all the help she can get with these guys. I don't know what's wrong with them, but I heard they aren't compleatly... Well, 'right in the head' if you get my drift. Ah well, I'm sure you two can handle it. I've heard good things about you, Finn. Princess Bubblegum's told me TONS about you! Anyway, it was nice seeing you again, Uncle Jake!" Niki continued. She then hugged Jake and sat back down at the base of the tree.

Finn grinned. "Sounds epic! New kingdom, crazy people, and the Princess gets to go too! What do you say pal?" Jake grinned back.

"I say, What TIME IS IT?" the dog replied.

"Uhm... 12:33?" Niki said, checking her watch.

"No, it's ADVENTURE TIME!" The boy and the dog yelled, then they hopped on Lady Rainicorn and flew away.

Niki frowned. "Oh. Well, fine! I didn't want to go anyway! Nyeh."

Yes, this is a fairly short chapter, mainly because I just wanted to get it started right now.

And No, Niki will never be seen again. :P

REVIEW.


	2. The Map

**I grace this next chapter upon your deserving souls. :P Enjoy.**

As the two adventurers and rainicorn where flying through the air heading for the Candy Palace, Princess Bubblegum was telling her Candy citizens the news.

"Okay, my candy citizens, I will be leaving for a day or two, but do not worry, for I'm leaving Manfred the piñata in charge," The Princess told them, standing in front of her castle.

A candy citizen that was in front of the crowd spoke up. "Hey, Princess Bubblegum, why are you leaving?"

Princess Bubblegum turned to him with a murderous look in her eyes. "You _**DARE**_ question my motives, foolish mortal? DIE NONBELIVER!"

Then everyone exploded.

"ALEX! WHAT THE HECK DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TOUCHING THE COMPUTER WHEN I'M WRITING STUFF?" A teenager pulled her ten year old brother away from the computer. The small boy pouted and ran away. The girl sat down and sighed.

"Ugh, he really needs to stop doing that. Hmm... Where were we? Oh yes!" She began typing...

...A candy citizen that was in front of the crowd spoke up. "Hey, Princess Bubblegum, why are you leaving?"

Princess Bubblegum smiled. "Oh, I just have to go talk to the rulers of Crazy Kingdom. It's the rules of Ooo. But I shall be back!"

A random candy citizen gasped. "But, Princess! Those people are insane! You might not come back... Alive." (Don't ask how this random candy person knows of the people. Just go with it.)

"Oh, do not worry, kind citizen! I will be fine. I'll have Finn and Jake with me," Princess Bubblegum assured, calming the candy person. Just then, they heard a swooping noise. It was Finn, Jake, and Lady Rainicorn. "There you are! I've been waiting for you!" The bubblegum princess told them, "I see Niki has told you that we would be going to Crazy Kingdom?"

"She sure did! And we are so up for it, right Jake?" Said the enthusiastic human boy.

"Right!" Replied the dog.

"Well, then, let's go!" Said Princess Bubblegum, hopping on Lady Rainicorn. Finn grinned and got on Lady Rainicorn, too. He decided to give Jake a break from him riding on his back all the time.

And they were off. As they where flying, (and Jake walking alongside them), Finn inched over to Princess Bubblegum. "So... Princess," Finn began,"Uhm, I heard these people in Crazy Kingdom are pretty, well, crazy."

"Yeah, So I've been warned. But I'm sure they are just exaggerating, and besides, even if they are hostile, I'll have you to protect me," replied Bubblegum.

Finn blushed. "He he... Yeah... I'd be like 'HIYAH! And POW! And YEAH! And stuff," the young boy said, moving his arms while he shouted the noises. Princess Bubblegum giggled.

"Yeah... Okay, let's see," The princess pulled out a map to the Crazy Kingdom. "It says that Crazy Kingdom is... Pretty much three miles away from your Tree House, Finn."

Finn looked over Bubblegum's shoulder at the map. "... Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Look!"

"That's... Stupid."

"Yeah... Anyway, Lady! Jake!" Bubblegum called to the two, "We need to go three miles from the tree house!"

"Why?" Jake asked.

"Because that's where Crazy Kingdom is!" Bubblegum yelled back.

"*Really?*" Lady Rainicorn called.

"What?" Said Finn.

"She said 'Really?'" Translated Jake.

"Yeah!" Called back Finn.

"*That's stupid!*" Lady called back to Finn.

"What?" Asked Finn again.

"She said that's stupid!" Jake translated once again.

"I know, right? That's what I said!" Yelled Finn back.

"Can we stop yelling now?" Called Princess Bubblegum.

"Okay," Replied Finn blankly.

"Thank you. So, let's see..." continued Bubblegum, once again looking at the map, "It says here that the only way to get through the gate to Crazy Kingdom is to find the key under the monkey's tail while it's eating some mustard that has been sitting out for exactly seventy days. After finding the key, count how many points it has and divide it by the square root of zero. But only if the equivalent of the points plus 5 is twenty. If the amount of points is three, move eight spaces in the diagonal direction and laugh like a hyena. But only the kind with stripes, cause stripes are awesome.

"Then, take the key and swallow it, but only if the I before E except after C law isn't in order. If it is, then take the key, open the chest next to the gate. The chest holds a key and another chest. Use that key to open that chest that has another key and another chest. Use that key to open that chest that has another key and another chest. Use that key to open that chest that has another key and another chest.

"Continued on next page. Use that key to open that chest that has another key and another chest. That key opens that chest that holds the key to the gate in it. This key can only used on Saturdays and will only work if the finder of the key is a two year old."

"Aw man!" Said Finn, "I don't have a calculator... Or a two-year old."

Bubblegum hushed him. "Hold on, there's more. OR," She continued, "You can just use the key that is on a hook next to the gate. This key works 24/7 and can be used by anyone. Sounds easy enough."

"Wow, those directions are pretty jacked up," said Finn.

"Well, it says here that the directions were written by the princess of the Crazy Kingdom herself!" Replied the Princess, handing Finn the map. The boy looked at it.

"Where?" He asked, "I don't see it."

The bubblegum princess poked at the map with her pink finger. "There!"

"Oh," Said the white-hatted boy, looking at the spot where the princess pointed. "Whoa, that's some weird looking handwriting. It's all curly and twisty and purple and stuff."

"Yeah, and you know what else?" Said princess Bubblegum.

"What?" Finn asked.

"The author really needs to stop stalling and get on with the story and stop writing in _every single detail._"

"Sorry!" The author said, "I was just trying to make the chapter longer!"

"You are forgiven," replied the princess.

"Hey guys!" Yelled Jake, "We're here!"

"Finally," Said Finn. As Lady and Jake descended, Finn grabbed Princess Bubblegum's hand and helped her off of Lady's back. As he did that, Jake headed for the key. When every one was next to him, the dog shoved the key into the lock and turned it.

They where finally in the Crazy Kingdom.

**Don't ya just **_**love**_** cliff hangers? :D *is shot multiple times***

**Sorry! **_**Geeze**_**...**

**Anyway, I'm sorry for the delay, I was savagely attacked by rabbid squirrels with hack saws for the last two weeks. :P**

**Those... **_**Horrible...**_** Squirrels...**

**God, I need to write longer chapters...**


	3. Princess CrayZee I Pshycopath

_**LATER AT THE CRAZY KINGDOM...Dobedodo...**_

A small, weird looking creature in a fine suit and tie, walked through a few rickety looking doors. He looked like a red duck, except he also had a green snail shell on his back. After he walked through the doors, he entered a small bedroom. The wallpaper was ripped. The bed covers tattered. Mirrors broken.

But this didn't worry the butler. It was always like this.

"PRINCESS CRAYZEE! PRINCESS CRAYZEE!" The duck-snail cried, getting the attention of a sleeping creature hidden in the tattered remains of what didn't even look like a bed anymore.

"AHH!" The thing screached, "IT'S THE POLICE, ISN'T IT? I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T DEVOUR THOSE CHILDREN! I JUST SWOLOWED THEM WHOLE! GOSH!" Two long rabbit ears followed with two eyes popped out from under the blanket. The butler stared back at the eyes.

"Uh... Princess CrayZee?" The confused butler managed to say. A purple head poped out from under the covers. A mouth with sharp teeth growled.

"Go away, butler!" The rest of the creature lowered the covers to reveal itself.

A tall, purple, stitched up body.

Shaggy magenta hair.

Long rabbit ears.

Curled Lion's tail.

Sharp teeth.

Ragged, lime-green dress.

A gold crown with a small red gem.

But the most peculiar thing about 'her' was the eyes. One was small, white, and pupiless... But the other...

It looked larger, a black spiral centered, like white paint was mixed with black. And, of course, this creature was the princess of the Crazy Kingdom.

_**Meanwhile~**_

Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, and Lady Rainicorn walked threw the many plants crowding the outskirts of the Crazy Kingdom castle. Princess Bubblegum was having an especially hard time, since the branches of said plants tended to snag and rip her dress. They had just got there, and already her dress had four noticable holes in it.

"Oh... I knew I should have changed before I left... Something more hiking worthy..." Princess Bubblegum sighed, ripping another branch from her already dirty dress. Finn looked back at her.

"I have an extra pair of clothes you can borrow. A yellow sweater and a pair of pants. They're sorta clean, uh... I guess. I mean I only wear them when I go to kick the Ice King's butt," he told her, wondering if he could be of any assistance. Bubblegum smiled a little.

"Uhm... Sure..." She replied, accepting his offer and taking the clothes, "So... Uh... Where... Where am I supposed to change...?" Finn's eyes widened.

"Didn't think of that," Finn said.

"*Why doesn't she change behind a tree while we're turned around?*" Lady suggested.

"Great idea!" Jake said. Finn and Bubblegum looked at the rainicorn, confused. "She said Princess Bubblegum could change behind a tree while we're turned around," the dog translated.

"Ohhh..." The princess and boy nodded in unison.

"I guess I could do that... I just hope none of the citizens here see me..." Replied Bubblegum, taking it into consideration. She walked behind the tree and proceded to change as the others turned around. Finn slowly looked back at the tree.

"_Finn!"_ Jake wispered.

"Sorry, sorry..." The boy replied hastly as he turned back around. After the pink princess was done changing into Finn's secondary clothes and her dress packed in Finn's back pack, they continued walking.

"Hehe, now your clothes are gonna smell like bubblegum."

"... Shut up, Jake."

"Ugh..." Princess Bubblegum moaned as she pulled a thorn from the sweater, "I can't belive you can't fly in this forest, Lady. Stupid forest that keeps your eyes from precieving color."

"*Yeah, who knew?*" Replied the Rainicorn.

Suddenly, a ruslting sound came from a nearby bush. A barking noise, then a cat yowling. "CUT IT OUT, SPAZZ!" A female voice screeched.

Jake looked around. "What was that?" Then he sniffed the air. I smell a cat... And..." He sniffed again, "And a dog."

Bubblegum shivered. "I hope it isn't a big dog... Or maybe... A mountain lion... Oh!"

"It's okay, Princess. If it's dangerous, I'll protect you!" Finn assured her, pulling out his sword. Then he pushed back the bush cautiously with it, trying to find out what was making the barking and yowling noises. He saw what looked like... A small animal.

"Oh... He there little guy..." the boy sighed, relived. He gasped as soon as he realized what it _really _was. Jake rushed by him.

"What is it, bro?" Jake asked his friend. He looked behind the bush, then recoiled as he saw the thing. "AH! What _IS_ that thing?" The dog yelled, backing away from the bush. Then, the creature crawled from the bush.

"HEY! We're NOT a thing!" The female voice from earlier yelled. Then, the creature stepped into the light.

It was a freaky looking animal, what looked like a dog and a cat, split in half and then reattached. The left half was a golden colored cocker spanial. The right, a black cat with a white muzzle and foot... Er, paw. The thing's arms and chest were covered in what looked like ripped and unfastened straight jacket, the over-sized sleeves covering it's paws. It walked like a human, and was looking at the group.

"HEY! YOU'RE A HUMAN! I love humans! Yes yes yes!" A high male voice now coming from the Dog... Cat... Whatever... As it sniffed Finn. The cat paw smacked the dog half of the creature. "Down, Spazz! You don't know where this human has been!" The female voice scolded itself. "Aww..." The dog-half whined, "You never let me play with the humans, Razzles. You're no fun."

The group of travelers stared at the arguing creature. It then looked at them. "I apologize for the rudeness. _Spazz_ doesn't know how to control himself. And if you didn't hear the first time, That's Spazz, and my name is Razzles." The cat half spoke in her high female voice. "YOU CAN CALL US BOTH SPAZZLES! Hehe, I came up with that myself," Spazz exclaimed. Razzles groaned. "Do you _ever_ get less annoying?"

"... No. Hehehehe..."

"Ugh."

Princess Bubblegum looked at them, confused. "Uhm... Could... Could you maybe show us to the Crazy kingdom's castle?" She asked, rather politely.

"OKAY! You smell weird. Like candeh!" Yelled Spazz. Razzles rolled her eye. "It's this way! Come on! Come on!" Led Spazz. Razzles just let him take control of her half. She didn't really care.

So, once again, the group was running trough the thick woods. Jake wasn't allowed to grow huge, because Princess Bubblegum was worried that they'd get into serious trouble if they destroyed the Crazy Kingdom's forest.

_**Even MORE Meanwhile~**_

The Crazy Kingdom Princess paced threw her royal junk stuff room. Infront of her, her Snail duck butler watched her, waiting for orders.

"Butler," she began, in her odd voice, "What do _you_ suppose we do?"

"Uh... We could... Let them go...? There was a princess with them, she probobly was coming to meet you. I mean, you _do_ know that it's in your Kingdom contract to meet all of the Royals in the Land of Ooo. Right?" The butler replied.

"Capture them and hold them against their will is is!" The rabbit-lion princess declared. The butler stared.

"But that's not what I-"

"SILENCE! BE GIVEN ME MAH TWINKIES NOW, FOO!" The crazy princess screeched back. The butler sighed and began bringing in a large box of twinkies. "GREG!" The princess called. Then, an exceptionally large rabbit with giant bear claws and sharp, jagged teeth walked in. He, like the princess, was stitched together, and he looked extreamly ferotious.

"Yes, Princess CrayZee?" He asked in an unusually polite and smooth voice. It almoast had a british accent to it.

"Could you go capture a boy, a dog, a bubblegum princess, and a rainbow unicorn for me?" Princess CrayZee asked.

"Okay." Then Greg grabbed some whipped cream, sprayed it on his face like rabies, roared, and ran threw the wall.

"Isn't he delightfull?" The princess asked her butler.

"What ever you say." 

_**I LIKE THE COLOR BLUE :{D- ~**_

They ran.

And ran.

And ran some more.

And more running.

Yes.

Just then, they heard some screaming coming from above them. Finn looked around.

"What was that...?"

**CRASH!**

Just then, a racoon with beaver legs and tail fell from the trees in front of them. It flipped over on it's back and laughed.

"WOW! What a rush! RACEY'S GONNA DO IT AGAIN! WHOOHOO!" It yelled in a girl's voice. Lady Rainicorn tilted her head to the side.

"*What are you doing?*" She asked.

The Beavecoon looked up at her. "Giiirrrlll, what are you talking about?"

Jake translated. "She said: what are you doing?"

"Well, Racey's trying to fly. Fly like a bird! So she can anywhere she wants! Just like the rat birds..." She told them.

"Okay..." Finn stated, "She's wacked."

Spazzles (YES, I'm using the name.) looked at them. "Yeah... About her... She's your new guide." Razzles said.

"WHAT?" Finn and Jake yelled in unison. Princess Bubblegum looked around uneasily. She noticed Spazzles was already gone.

"I honestly don't care how we get there, just please get us there fast. This forest is starting to give me the creeps." She said in a voice as uneasy as her face.

"Ugh, settle down, lady. I'll get you there." Racey replied, waving her paw in the pink princess's face. Princess Bubblegum frowned. "Now... Lesse..." Continued the beavecoon, "How're we gonna do this... HEY EVERYONE! Climb on my back! I'll fly you there!"

"Uhh... No thanks," replied Finn, "I think we should just walk."

"Oh sure, take the _easy_ way out," said the crime against nature, foldind her arms. Then,

**RIP! CRASH!**

A rabbit-Bear ripped through the trees like they were wet toilet paper and roared at them. Princess Bubblegum let out a small 'EEP!' and jumped into Finn's arms. Racey casually waved at him.

"Hi, Greg."

"Oh, hello, Racey. Now, where was I? Oh, right. RAWR!" Greg finnish. He then proceided to grab Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, and Lady Rainicorn.

"UGH! Let us go, ya stupid... Uh... THING!" Finn yelled at him.

"Finn, what are we going to do?" Princess Bubblegum half asked, half yelled in fear.

"Me and Jake kick his butt, that's what!" Finn replied, strugling to get out of Greg's large fist. "Argh! Jake, can you get out?" Jake strained to shrink or streatch, anything to get out of the furry paw that held him captive.

"No can do, buddy! This guy's paws are keeping me from using my powers!" Jake yelled to him.

"Oh yes, my paws where specially designed to stop any magic from escaping them. And you, Rainicorn, should stop doing that. You're magic, and it's having no effect what so ever. You'll just tire yourself." Greg told them, and indeed, Lady was trying to escape the rabbear by zapping him with her horn. "I'm taking you to my master, Princess CrayZee."

"Oh! That's where we wanted to go anyway. Good for us," said Jake rather optimistically.

Greg then began crashing through the trees, carefull not to destroy any. Oddly enough, he was rather polite about the whole thing. He just walked on, asking them about their lives and hobbies. They, of corse, said nothing the whole time, because well, if you were kidnapped by a rabbear, would you answer it's queastions? I thought not. So shut up. Eventually, he got bored of them not saying anything, so he kept quiet.

Finnaly, they got at the castle. It was extreamly big, and looked rather weird. But right now I'm to lazy to decribe it, so guess what it looks like yourself. Gosh!

"Princess!" Greg called to one of the towers. The creature's head popped through a window, her mouth covered in Twinkie creame.

"WHAT?"

"I got those guys you asked me to get," Greg called back.

"WELL BRING THEM IN!" The bunny-lion yelled back.

"Okay."

Then Greg... Ya know, did that.

Then he left.

I'm sorry. I'm tired.

Princess CrayZee looked at the four. "So, you guy's decided to breach my castle walls... Where's the princess I saw?"

"Uh... Right here," Princess Bubblegum replied. CrayZee looked her up and down.

"Nah, you can't be it. You're wearing boy clothes, not that pink dress," she said, shaking her head.

"I changed my clothes," Bubblegum protested.

"No, there is no way that you're that princess. SO, I'm just gonna hold you captive. So yeah," Princess CrayZee replied.

"... Are you serious?" Finn asked

"Yes. Yes I am."

"... Well... Uh... Then I shall stop you!" Finn yelled, pulling out his sword.

"No you won't," replied CrayZee, then she took his sword and swolowed it whole. (... Wow... That... That really sounded wrong.) Finn's eyes grew wide.

"What-What is wrong with you?" Finn asked/yelled, as he backed away slowy. The princess shrugged.

"I have issues."

"*Well, is there anyway you'll let us free?*" Asked Lady rainicorn. Which Jake translated mmhmm.

"NO!" Screamed CrayZee, followed by maniacle laughter. Which she stopped suddenly. "Wait. There is _one_ have to play truth or dare with me."

"That's it?" Asked Jake.

"Jake," Princess Bubblegum wispered, "Have you ever played truth or dare with a crazy person?"

"... No. Like you have?"

"Great uncle GumBald. When I was ten. And this is why there is no longer a king and queen of the Candy Kingdom."

"... Sorry I asked."

"You should be."

**THANK GOD I GOT THROUGH THIS CHAPTER. No spell Check. Please don't complain or I'll have to emo sob.**


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